One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God, “Lord, I have a problem.”
“What’s the problem, Adam?” God replies.
“Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I’m just not happy.”
“Why is that, Adam?” comes the reply from the heavens.
“Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely.”
“Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a ‘woman’ for you.”
“What’s a ‘woman,’ Lord?”
“This ‘woman’ will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you” replies the heavenly voice.
“Sounds great.”
“She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam.”
“How much will this ‘woman’ cost me Lord?” Adam replies.
“She’ll cost you a leg, an arm, an eye, an ear, and a testicle.”
Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern on his face. Finally Adam asks God, “Uh, what can I get for a rib?”

 

Garage Door 

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, ‘This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?’ The boss told her he knew he’d closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question. 

As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant’s question about his ‘garage door.’ 

He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, ‘When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?’ 

She smiled and said, ‘No, I didn’t. All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires.. 

An elderly gentleman…. 
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% 
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, ‘Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.’ 
The gentleman replied, ‘Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. 
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!’ 

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: ‘Slim, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?’ 
Slim says, ‘I feel just like a newborn baby.’ 
‘Really!? Like a newborn baby!?’ 
‘Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.’ 

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. 
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.’ 
The other man said, ‘What is the name of the restaurant?’ 
The first man thought and thought and finally said, ‘What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? 
You know…. The one that’s red and has thorns.’ 
‘Do you mean a rose?’ 
‘Yes, that’s the one,’ replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, ‘Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?’ 

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he d idn’t need my help to leave the hospital. 
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. 
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. 
‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.’ 

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember .. 
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. ‘Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?’ he asks. 
‘Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?’ 
‘Sure..’ 
‘Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?’ she asks. 
‘No, I can remember it.’ 
‘Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so a s not to forget it?’ 
He says, ‘I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.’ 
‘I’d also like whipped cream. I’m certain you’ll forget that, write it down?’ she asks. 
Irritated, he says, ‘I don’t need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream – I got it, for goodness sake!’ 
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment. 
‘Where’s my toast ?’ 

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: 
‘So I hear you’re getting married?’ 
‘Yep!’ 
‘Do I know her?’ 
‘Nope!’ 
‘This woman, is she good looking?’ 
‘Not really.’ 
‘Is she a good cook?’ 
‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’ 
‘Does she have lots of money?’ 
‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’ 
‘Well, then, is she good in bed?’ 
‘I don’t know.’ 
‘Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’ 
‘Because she can still drive!’ 

Three old guys are out walking. 
First one says, ‘Windy, isn’t it?’ 
Second one says, ‘No, it’s Thursday!’ 
Third one says, ‘So am I. Let’s go get a beer..’ 

A man was telling his neighbor, ‘I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art.. It’s perfect.’ 
‘Really,’ answered the neighbor . ‘What kind is it?’ 
‘Twelve thirty..’ 

Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. 
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. 
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, ‘You’re really doing great, aren’t you?’ 
Morris replied, ‘Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.” 
The doctor said, ‘I didn’t say that.. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.’ 

One more. . .! 
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. 
The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’ 
‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’ 
Posted in Funny, male humor Tagged: door, elderly, fly, Funny, garage, Hearing, Hearing Aid, humor, jokes, man, men, moments, Old, Old man, Old men, retirement, retirement center, Senior, Senior Moments ]]> http://testical.wordpress.com/2009/07/26/old-men-funnyr-n-shit/feed/ 0 Big Daddy http://testical.wordpress.com/2009/07/25/ben-roethlisberger-after-leaving-bathhouse/ http://testical.wordpress.com/2009/07/25/ben-roethlisberger-after-leaving-bathhouse/#comments Sat, 25 Jul 2009 18:47:33 +0000 Big Daddy http://testical.wordpress.com/?p=342 ]]> Big Ben Roethlisberger outside a Bathhouse in Cali…

Sorry, I saw this picture and just couldn’t resist using it!

For those of you who are not familiar with  AWD, “The Angry White Dude”, he is right on track and a wonderful writer.  This is what he has to say about the Muslim invasion.

Islam, the religion of murder, is incompatible with American values. Muslim immigration must be stopped immediately. This includes legal immigrants, student and work visas, etc. One only look to Europe to see the negative effects that growing Muslim populations bring to western values and ways of life. In southern France, there are now more mosques than Christian churches! Schools serve Halal food (foods permissible under Islamic law), not just to Muslim children but also to Christians without their knowledge, while so many Muslims populate Norway’s prisons that the authorities gave up serving different foods and adopted an all-Halal diet for prisoners to keep the Muslims quiet. Public swimming pools now segregate men and women into different times of the day. In London, the Croydon Council adopted a Muslim-only swim time. Muslims have shown time and time again they have no tolerance for other cultures and demand unbending tolerance of theirs. Europe’s self-hating multi-culturism has allowed a foreign enemy to inhabit their lands, impose their will and will eventually restrict the natives under Muslim sharia law! Sharia law is already accepted in parts of England! The European media goes out of its way to not report Muslim criminals…calling them Asians! Europeans are now being out bred by Muslims by a wide margin. Estimates say Muslims will be the majority in Europe as soon as in 50 years! Imagine when sharia law becomes the legal standard in Europe…where will all the girly men French go? Will Islam allow pink burqas?

America must pay strict attention to what is happening in Europe. The politically correct media and elected officials who have pushed multi-culturism on us are leading Americans down the same disastrous path as Europe. A 2007 Pew poll found that only 28 percent Muslims thought of themselves as Americans first while 47 percent identified primarily as Muslims. Their loyalty lies abroad with the worldwide Muslim community, which sees itself as being victimized by the West. AWD has never understood why Muslims are allowed to enter the United States since 9/11. All the political correctness in the world will not lessen my memory of Muslims dancing in the streets of New Jersey when the towers fell in New York on 9/11.

Again, Islam is incompatible with freedom. America was founded on the principles of individuality and freedom. Islam seeks to destroy each of our founding principles and values. Islam seeks to dominate western culture and bring savagery tothe world. Merely look to any Islamic country and see how tolerant they are to Christians or Jews. Look how women are treated like animals and are allowed to be killed by family members in shameful “honor killings.” America must shed it’s reluctance to speak and act against Islam…the religion of murder. We only need to look to the disaster that Europe is becoming to see what could be in our future. I do not want to envision a future when my grand daughters will have to wear a burqa and will fight Islam in America at every step! I am staunchly for freedom of religion but Islam seeks to dominate the world. Islam is the enemy of civilized people!

YOU WANT TO WATCH THIS!

You asked for em’, so here they are…

More Sexy Women

with

BOOBIES…..!

Click on BOOBIES below to get a closer looksie!

OK, people you people voted for him now we all have to deal with this S.O.B for the next 4 years….  Obama showed all through his Presidential campaign his willingness to use both blacks and whites to reach his goal of becoming President of The United States and then toss them aside.  Now he is starting to show his TRUE colors, and they’re NOT RED, WHITE and BLUE!

We have all been waiting for it and here it came from his own mouth!  We all knew he attended a severly racist church, that is until he got caught!  Now, he is jumping back on the Black Wagon… 

NATICK, Mass. – A white police sergeant who arrested renowned black scholar Henry Louis Gates Jr. said Thursday he’s disappointed President Barack Obama said officers acted “stupidly,” despite acknowledging he didn’t know all the facts.

Sgt. James Crowley responded to Gates’ home near Harvard University last week to investigate a report of a burglary and demanded Gates show him identification. Police say Gates at first refused and accused the officer of racism.

Gates was charged with disorderly conduct. The charge was dropped Tuesday, and Gates has since demanded an apology from Crowley.

Obama was asked about the arrest of Gates, who is his friend, at the end of a nationally televised news conference on health care Wednesday night.

“I think it’s fair to say, number one, any of us would be pretty angry,” Obama said. “Number two, that the Cambridge police acted stupidly in arresting somebody when there was already proof that they were in their own home. And number three — what I think we know separate and apart from this incident — is that there is a long history in this country of African-Americans and Latinos being stopped by law enforcement disproportionately, and that’s just a fact.”  These words actually came out of the President mouth!  Obama, could it be that they are being stopped because they just happen to be the ones committing the crimes and they just happen to be Latino or Black?

 

In radio interviews Thursday morning, Crowley maintained he had done nothing wrong in arresting Gates.

“I support the president of the United States110 percent. I think he was way off base wading into a local issue without knowing all the facts as he himself stated before he made that comment,” Crowley told WBZ-AM. “I guess a friend of mine would support my position, too.”

Crowley did not immediately respond to messages left by The Associated Press on Thursday.

Gates has said he was “outraged” by the arrest. He said the white officer walked into his home without his permission and only arrested him as the professor followed him to the porch, repeatedly demanding the sergeant’s name and badge number because he was unhappy over his treatment.

“This isn’t about me; this is about the vulnerability of black men in America,” Gates said.

He said the incident made him realize how vulnerable poor people and minorities are “to capricious forces like a rogue policeman, and this man clearly was a rogue policeman.”

Crowley, 42, said he won’t apologize. And his union has expressed “full and unqualified” support for him.

On Thursday, he told WBZ that Gates verbally assailed him. The police report says Crowley asked Gates to talk outside, to which he responded “Yeah, I’ll speak with your mama outside.”

“There was a lot of yelling, there was references to my mother, something you wouldn’t expect from anybody that should be grateful that you’re there investigating a report of a crime in progress let alone a Harvard University professor,” Crowley said Thursday.

Fellow officers, black and white, say he is well-liked and respected on the force. Crowley was a campus police officer at Brandeis University in July 1993 when he administered CPR trying to save the life of former Boston Celtics player Reggie Lewis. Lewis, who was black, collapsed and died during an off-season workout.

Gates’ supporters maintain his arrest was a case of racial profiling. Officers were called to the home by a woman who said she saw “two black males with backpacks” trying to break in the front door. Gates has said he arrived home from an overseas trip and the door was jammed.

Profiling is a tool that is used among Police and even the FBI.  Profiling has been proven to work  and is scientifically sound.  If profiling falls along racial lines there must be a reason for it. 

Here is a graph from the governments own records that shows some of the stats. 

Of course some people will argue that you can’t lump a entire race into one category and I agree.  However, the majority of a any single group that continuously exhibits specific behavior should be able to be generalized without argument. 

If a police officer approaches a person holding a marijuana cigarette he would assume, like anyone, that the person is smoking it.  Howver, he could have picked it up from the ground.  If you get a call that there is a burglary in process, you would assume that the person there is the one committing the crime.  it has nothing at all to do with race and everything to do with the fact that this man was being an ass hole…  Probably because the officer was white.  I’m pretty sure that had the responding officer have been black, Gates would have been more cooperative.  Instad of talking about “Yo Mama“!

I’m just waiting for Obama to get pissed at Hillary or someone on the hill as say “Yo Mama” to them.

The president said federal officials need to continue working with local law enforcement “to improve policing techniques so that we’re eliminating potential bias.”

How the hell is this being bias?  Gates’s own neighbor, who I would think would have recognized him, called in the report.  Gates refused to comply by not showing his identification when asked and then verbally assaulted the officer with slurs about his mother!  If this had been a white man he also would have been arrested.  So once again, how is this being bias?

“What I think we know separate and apart from this incident is that there’s a long history in this country of African-Americans and Latinosbeing stopped by law enforcement disproportionately,” Obama said. “That’s just a fact.”

Gov. Deval Patrick, who is black, said he was troubled and upset over the incident. Cambridge Mayor Denise Simmons, who also is black, has said she spoke with Gates and apologized on behalf of the city, and a statement from the city called the July 16 incident “regrettable and unfortunate.”

The mayor refused Thursday to comment on the president’s remarks.

Police supporters charge that Gates, director of Harvard’s W.E.B. Du Bois Institute for African and African American Research, was responsible for his own arrest by overreacting.

Black students and professors at Harvard have complained for years about racial profiling by Cambridge and campus police. Harvard commissioned an independent committee last year to examine the university’s race relations after campus police confronted a young black man who was using tools to remove a bike lock. The man worked at Harvard and owned the bike.

Richard Weinblatt, director of the Institute for Public Safety at Central Ohio Technical College, said the police sergeant was responsible for defusing the situation once he realized Gates was the lawful occupant. It is not against the law to yell at police, especially in a home, as long as that behavior does not affect an investigation, he said.

“That is part of being a police officerin a democratic society,” Weinblatt said. “The point is that the police sergeant needs to be the bigger person, take the higher road, be more professional.”

But then I had to laugh my ass off….  It is Funny rn’ Shit! 

If anyone knows where I can get one of these GREAT shirts please let me know….

A legal brothel in Berlin, is offering an “environmental discount” of 5 euros for customers who arrive by bike or can prove they used public transportation to get there.

That’s around $7, or half the price of tongue kissing at the brothel (yes, you have to pay extra for that). Rates at the brothel normally start at 30 euros for 15 minutes of sex and assorted naughtiness.  This is just another example of how the eoro is beating the U.S. dollar.

The brothel owners say they’re in walking distance of stations on both of Berlin’s major commuter rail lines, as well as a well-maintained bicycle path.  Thats where the gays hang out…

Brothel owner Thomas Goetz said the new promotion has put some bang back into his business. He told Reuters that up to 5 customers a day are taking advantage of the discount.

Weird News Central also reported they hear that numerous Berlin housewives are wondering why so many of their husbands have suddenly taken up bicycling.

To hoom it mae cunsern,

I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper.

I kin Type realee qwik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.

I think I am good on the fone and I no I am a pepole person.

I no my spelling is not too good.

My salerery is open, I kin start emeditely.

Thank yoo in advanse fore yore anser.

Sinseerly,

Tiffanny

PS : Because my resimay is a bit short

I sent a pickture of me.

Employer’s response:…

Dear Tiffany,

It’s OK honey, we’ve got spell check.

See you Monday.
Posted in Funny, Sexy, tiddies Tagged: boobs, Funny, humor, male humor, Resume, tits ]]> http://testical.wordpress.com/2009/07/14/my-resimay/feed/ 0 Big Daddy boobs http://testical.wordpress.com/2009/07/05/the-new-national-anthem-fuck-yea/ http://testical.wordpress.com/2009/07/05/the-new-national-anthem-fuck-yea/#comments Sun, 05 Jul 2009 04:10:39 +0000 Big Daddy http://testical.wordpress.com/?p=286 ]]> I totally scammed this but its funny’r n shit!  You gotta listen to it!

You just KNEW there were gonna be jokes……

    • Michael Jackson hasn’t been this stiff since Macully Culkin spent the night at Neverland Ranch.

    •
Because Jackson’s body was 95% plastic, he will be melted down and turned into legos, this way kids can play with him for a change.

    •
Reports that Michael Jackson has died of a heart attack in his home are untrue… He actually died having a stroke in the children’s ward.

    •
In the spirit of recycling, Michael Jackson will be melted down into plastic party cups so kids can still get their lips around his rim.

    •
In accordance with Michael Jackson’s will, little boys’ pants shall be flown at half-mast today.

    •
Doctors are looking into claims that MJ’s death could have been caused by an allergic reaction from eating 12 year old nuts.

    •
I heard Michael Jackson died of food poisoning from eating a 5 year old wiener.

    •
Micheal jackson will always be with us… he is not biodegradable.

    •
Farrah Fawcett arrived at the Pearly Gates and God asked her what he could do for her having led such an honest life. Farrah asked God to simply make sure the children of the world were safe. Five minutes later, Michael Jackson died.

    •
MJ’s dying wish was to be melted down and turned into straws so he can still get sucked on by kids.

    •
It has been released that MJs last wish was that he wants to be melted down and made into a slide so kids can go down on him forever.

    •
In memory of MJ’s death, McDonald’s is coming out with the new “McJackson”. It’s 50 year old meat between 12 year old buns.

    •
Michael Jackson’s ashes are going to be put in an Etch A Sketch so kids can still twiddle his knob.

    •
Michael Jackson’s death has now been ruled a suicide. Apparently doctors told him that the only way he could get whiter is if he died.

    •
Only in America can someone be born a poor black kid, and die a rich white woman.

    •
Madonna sent her condolences to the Jackson family. Then asked how much they wanted for the kids.

    •
Breaking News: Casper the friendly ghost was molested in the early hours of this morning!

    •
Michael Jackson’s last words: “Take me to the Children’s Hospital!”

    •
What was Michael Jacksons last hit? The floor!

    •
Michael Jackson died of a heart attack. He really shouldn’t have looked at the man in the mirror.

Sorry, I haven’t been around but I  have been having some problems.  And yes, I am pointing fingers and giving names! 

You see, at the beginning of the school year, we moved from Tyler Texas to Flint, Texas because my son kept coming home from Stewart Middle School with bruises all down one arm and across his chest.  He says that the kids in the ,predominately black, school that he was being forced to attend kept walking up to him, saying hey white boy and then would hit him…. 

I gave him permission to defend himself and in fact insisted on it…  The bruising and harassment continued.  I asked him why he had not defended himself and he explained to me that if he had “They would have swarmed him”!  Then I thought back to things I saw when I was in school and he was right.  If he had attempted to defend himself against the obvious discriminatory remarks and abuse, he would have been attacked by every BLACK kid in the vicinity.

We went to the school and spoke to the ”BLACK FEMALE PRINCIPAL”  WITH PICTURES!  The ignorant racist womans said, we will just have him stand right here in front of the window to my office where we can keep an eye on him…. 

I had previously had an older daughter that had attended the same school several years earlier.  They were not allowed to wear band-aids because they were “gang related”..  So instead of getting rid of the gang members, they decided to punish everyone else’s kids by not allowing them to wear band-aids among other things. 

Now I have another daughter ready to attend the same seas-pool.  We knew she wouldn’t be able to survive the attacks.

In the mean time, my neighborhood which I had lived in for 20 years has continued to gain more and more Blacks. 

A new push lawn mower was then stolen from my back yard a few years ago.

Two black teens under the guise of walking their pit bulls were seen entering my garage and steeling a case of cokes….

So we have decided to follow the examples of our other neighbors and move and sell our home of 20 years.  We moved to Flint, leaving several items at the home while it underwent repairs or that would not fit into our new smaller home.

Upon returning to my home in Tyler Tuesday I was first surprised to find my extension ladder along with antique furnature that was left to me by my grandparents, staged in the garage awaiting pickup.  I then noticed the door was open.  Upon entering MY home, I found it devoid of many many items….

I called the police.  Before they arrived, my daughter and I went to one of the neighbors home and rang the door bell several times.  There was no answer…  We knocked several times..  There was still no answer…  As we  were still standing on the neighbors porch the police finally arrived and we greeted them in the front yard.  Suddenly the previously unresponsive neighbors were out in their yard inspecting their blades of grass….

Soon, the husband got on HIS ridding mower and started to mow.

I then approaced the BLACK neighbor and told him what had happened and asked if he had seen any trucks parked in my driveway recently.  He said no, but he had parked his dump truck in our driveway during a recent party he threw for a relative.  I thought nothing of it….

I escorted the police into my home where they began to dust for fingerprints…

After they left I spoke to my other BLACK neighbors which are pretty descent people.  They told me that they had noticed my back gate being open.  I asked when.  They said when the dump-truck was in my driveway….  And that there were cars parked all along both sides of the street….  It still didn’t click…

The first several things I noticed missing was a TV, DVR, 135 gallon Aquarium that was 6 feet 6 inches long which took 4 men to carry in “empty” and my Lawn Tractor which would take 6 men to pick up and load if they didn’t have ramps…. 

When my wife arrived we checked out the storage building which was also ransacked.   She noticed a trail leading over our “chain linked fence” from the neighbors back yard that lead up to our patio…  THEN IT CLICKED!

I had been expecting a fleet of pickup truck to haul off as much stuff that was taken…  And the fact that the aquarium would take up a whole truck bed as would the Lawn Tractor, OR ONE DUMP TRUCK!

That night I got ready to take a shower and they even took the shower heads to both showers and a newly installed light fixture from above the sink in the kitchen….

My children nor my wife have ever heard me utter the notorious “N” word.  Ive always respected and tried to treat people as individual….  UNTIL NOW!  I know that people will accuse me of being a racist..  But if I am I am because they made me this way..  

 My son who, like I said, has never heard me saying anything negative about another race made a comment to me one day a few years ago..  He said “I HATE BLACK PEOPLE”..  I asked him why?  He said, “BECAUSE OF THE WAY THEY TREAT ME”! 

This came out of the mouth of a child…  A child that was never experienced racism of anykind growing up….  People claim that racism is passed down from generation to generation.  I agree, it is being passed down by the BLACKS to the white people…

I am now glad that 1/3 rd of all abortions are to black women.  I’m glad that you can donate money to abortion clinics and have it reserved just for the abortion of a black fetus…  I am a newly born racist now at age 43…  Not because I was raised that way by my parents but I was taught to be this way by BLACK PEOPLE!

I know that these people ease their conscious by telling each other they are steeling from a white man who owes them because maybe someone 400 years ago might have been a slave…  If Texas were to succeed from the Union, I hope they bring back slavery!

Here is a list of some of the things that have been found missing in from my home..  Now totaling $15,000.

1    lawn tractor

1    135 gallon aquarium

2    light fixtures

2    shower heads

4   coolers

2   2 wheel dollies

1   skill saw

1   saber saw

1   Toro Weed Eater

1   Gas powered blower

1   25 ft extension cord

1   iron

1   copper urn

1   tool box with tools

1   tote with tools in it.

1   palm sander

1   Fender guitar

4   lock blade knives

20  DVD movies

10   PSP Games

2   gallons of paint

2   paint brushes

1  box of trash bags

20  cabinet knobs

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car.

She writes: Dear Grand-daughter,

 The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a ‘Honk if you love Jesus’ bumper sticker .. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.. So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn’t notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn’t honked, I’d never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus! While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, ‘For the love of God!’ ‘Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!’

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! ;

 There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach. I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back. My grandson burst out laughing.

Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!! A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma

HEAVENLY MATRIMONY?

You have two choices in life:

 You can stay single and be miserable,

or get married and wish you were dead.

______________________________________________________

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,

“Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?”

“Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.

______________________________________________________

” A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: “Husband Wanted”.

Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:

“You can have mine.

______________________________________________________

” When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

______________________________________________________

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.

______________________________________________________

A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”

Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”

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a young son asked, “Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?”

Dad replied, “That happens in every country, son.”

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Then there was a woman who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late.”

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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

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If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say — talk in your sleep.

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Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

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first guy says, “My wife’s an angel!” Second guy remarks, “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

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“A Woman’s Prayer: Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I’ll just beat him to death”.

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Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children.

A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.

After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, “Why don’t you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.”

The blind man replies, “If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we’d be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.

Every time I try to add something intellectual to try and broaden yaw’lls knowledge, you keep going straight for the Boobies…

I give up.. HERE YOU GO…BOOBIES !

Click on Picture to get a closer look!

I take it that this protest happened in America….  I would imagine that if it was in their own country the sign wouldn’t have been written in English…  Someone PLEASE get these ignorant ass people out of America and send them back where the fuck they came from….

This is the one book every little boy needs !

I don’t think this woman is wearing this bathing suit right !

This Woman can’t tell is she is coming or going!

Come on guys,,,  I’m really trying not to turn this into a porn site…  But every time I post Boobs my ratings go up!  WTF!

I found this awsome letter on the internet… 

This is a Canadian Letter to the Editor: I wish someone would read this letter in Congress to all the legislators that think water boarding is torture. This One Packs A Firm Punch. Thought you might like to read this letter to the editor ~ ever notice how some people just seem to know how to write a letter? This one sure does!

 This was written by a Canadian woman, but oh how it also applies to the U.S., U..K., and Australia. Written by a housewife in New Brunswick, to her local newspaper, this is one ticked off lady.

 ’Are we fighting a war on terror or aren’t we? Was it or was it not started by Islamic people who brought it to our shores on September 11, 2001 and have continually threatened to do so since? Were people from all over the world, not brutally murdered that day, in downtown Manhattan , across the Potomac from the nation’s capitol and in a field in Pennsylvania ? Did nearly three thousand men, women and children die a horrible, burning or crushing death that day, or didn’t they? And I’m supposed to care that a few Taliban were claiming to be tortured by a justice system of the nation they come from and are fighting against in a brutal insurgency.

 I’ll start caring when Osama bin Laden turns himself in and repents for incinerating all those innocent people on 9/11. I’ll care about the Koran when the fanatics in the Middle East start caring about the Holy Bible, the mere belief of which is a crime punishable by beheading in Afghanistan . I’ll care when these thugs tell the world they are sorry for hacking off Nick Berg’s head while Berg screamed through his gurgling slashed throat.

I’ll care when the cowardly so-called ‘insurgents’ in Afghanistan come out and fight like men instead of disrespecting their own religion by hiding in mosques and behind women and children. I’ll care when the mindless zealots who blows themselves up in search of nirvana care about the innocent children within range of their suicide bombs. I’ll care when the Canadian media stops pretending that their freedom of speech on stories is more important than the lives of the soldiers on the ground or their families waiting at home to hear about them when something happens. In the meantime, when I hear a story about a CANADIAN soldier roughing up an Insurgent terrorist to obtain information, know this: I don’t care.

 When I see a wounded terrorist get shot in the head when he is told not to move because he might be booby-trapped, you can take it to the bank: I don’t care. When I hear that a prisoner, who was issued a Koran and a prayer mat, and ‘fed special’ food that is paid for by my tax dollars, is complaining that his holy book is being ‘mishandled,’ you can absolutely believe in your heart of hearts: I don’t care. And oh, by the way, I’ve noticed that sometimes it’s spelled ‘Koran’ > and other times ‘Quran’. Well, Jimmy Crack Corn you guessed it: I don’t care!!

 If you agree with this viewpoint, pass this on to all your E-mail friends. Sooner or later, it’ll get to the people responsible for this ridiculous behavior! If you don’t agree, then by all means hit the delete button. Should you choose the latter, then please don’t complain when more atrocities committed by radical Muslims happen here in our great Country! And may I add: ‘Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. But, the Soldiers don’t have that problem.’

 I have another quote that I would like to add, AND…I hope you forward all this. One last thought for the day: Only five defining forces have ever offered to die for you:

1. Jesus Christ

2. The British Soldier.

3. The Canadian Soldier.

4. The US Soldier, and

5. The Australian Soldier

One died for your soul, the other 4 for your freedom.

Come on guys,,, We’ve all been there !

Need I say any more?

This is a joke…  I know most women will actually search for this site!

This is a true example of a womans inteligence and why women need men to tell them what to think!

Do I really need to say anything?  There is a BIG front cumming through!  Katrina better watch out!

For thos of you who are impared…  Look at the names on the back of the jerseys……

I don’t have to EXPLAINE this to anyone do I?

Never fart around a infrared camera!

Here she is telling the locals what all they did!

IT IS FUNNIER THAN SHIT!

Check out this video!

I’m not into ( women’s fashion ) but I have to give my two cents on this one!  WTF is wrong with this bitch woman?  I think Chris Brown must have hit da bitch a little too hard upside her head!

Rihanna, this supposedly empowered “BLACK WOMAN”,  is out and about in New York wearing this stupid fucking monkey dress!  Blacks are supposedly trying to rise above racism, so WHY THE FUCK, would she wear a dress with a picture of a BIG FREAKING MONKEY on it knowing what it implies unless she was trying to cause trouble?

I’ll tell you why!  She is an average black person, slapping every white person in America in the face wearing a tasteless and potentially racially charged piece of clothing, (daring anyone to say what they are thinking )!   And it works….  I’m sure that the potential fear of being called a honkeyracist kept every-ones mouth shut!  If she is this stupid, no wonder her boyfriend beat her ass.

If my wife, Aka Big Mama, were to go to town wearing a dress with a picture of a ” CRACKER ” on the front, every black person she passed would have made a racial comment!  Guaranteed!