Testical

Men's concerns with Government, Feminism, Racism and Male Humor!

Old Men – Funnyr n’ Shit!

 
 
A few good Senior Moments 
  

Garage Door 

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, ‘This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?’ The boss told her he knew he’d closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question. 

As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant’s question about his ‘garage door.’ 

He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, ‘When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?’ 

She smiled and said, ‘No, I didn’t. All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires.. 

An elderly gentleman…. 
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% 
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, ‘Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.’ 
The gentleman replied, ‘Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. 
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!’ 

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: ‘Slim, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?’ 
Slim says, ‘I feel just like a newborn baby.’ 
‘Really!? Like a newborn baby!?’ 
‘Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.’ 

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. 
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.’ 
The other man said, ‘What is the name of the restaurant?’ 
The first man thought and thought and finally said, ‘What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? 
You know…. The one that’s red and has thorns.’ 
‘Do you mean a rose?’ 
‘Yes, that’s the one,’ replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, ‘Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?’ 

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he d idn’t need my help to leave the hospital. 
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. 
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. 
‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.’ 

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember .. 
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. ‘Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?’ he asks. 
‘Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?’ 
‘Sure..’ 
‘Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?’ she asks. 
‘No, I can remember it.’ 
‘Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so a s not to forget it?’ 
He says, ‘I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.’ 
‘I’d also like whipped cream. I’m certain you’ll forget that, write it down?’ she asks. 
Irritated, he says, ‘I don’t need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream – I got it, for goodness sake!’ 
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment. 
‘Where’s my toast ?’ 

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: 
‘So I hear you’re getting married?’ 
‘Yep!’ 
‘Do I know her?’ 
‘Nope!’ 
‘This woman, is she good looking?’ 
‘Not really.’ 
‘Is she a good cook?’ 
‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’ 
‘Does she have lots of money?’ 
‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’ 
‘Well, then, is she good in bed?’ 
‘I don’t know.’ 
‘Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’ 
‘Because she can still drive!’ 

Three old guys are out walking. 
First one says, ‘Windy, isn’t it?’ 
Second one says, ‘No, it’s Thursday!’ 
Third one says, ‘So am I. Let’s go get a beer..’ 

A man was telling his neighbor, ‘I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art.. It’s perfect.’ 
‘Really,’ answered the neighbor . ‘What kind is it?’ 
‘Twelve thirty..’ 

Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. 
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. 
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, ‘You’re really doing great, aren’t you?’ 
Morris replied, ‘Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.” 
The doctor said, ‘I didn’t say that.. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.’ 

One more. . .! 
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. 
The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’ 
‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’ 

July 26, 2009 Posted by | Funny, male humor | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Ben Roethlisberger after leaving BATHHOUSE

Big Ben Roethlisberger outside a Bathhouse in Cali…

Sorry, I saw this picture and just couldn’t resist using it!

July 25, 2009 Posted by | Funny, male humor, Sexy | , , , , | Leave a comment

Muslims – MUST BE STOPPED FROM ENTERING THE U.S.A.

For those of you who are not familiar with  AWD, “The Angry White Dude”, he is right on track and a wonderful writer.  This is what he has to say about the Muslim invasion.

Islam, the religion of murder, is incompatible with American values. Muslim immigration must be stopped immediately. This includes legal immigrants, student and work visas, etc. One only look to Europe to see the negative effects that growing Muslim populations bring to western values and ways of life. In southern France, there are now more mosques than Christian churches! Schools serve Halal food (foods permissible under Islamic law), not just to Muslim children but also to Christians without their knowledge, while so many Muslims populate Norway’s prisons that the authorities gave up serving different foods and adopted an all-Halal diet for prisoners to keep the Muslims quiet. Public swimming pools now segregate men and women into different times of the day. In London, the Croydon Council adopted a Muslim-only swim time. Muslims have shown time and time again they have no tolerance for other cultures and demand unbending tolerance of theirs. Europe’s self-hating multi-culturism has allowed a foreign enemy to inhabit their lands, impose their will and will eventually restrict the natives under Muslim sharia law! Sharia law is already accepted in parts of England! The European media goes out of its way to not report Muslim criminals…calling them Asians! Europeans are now being out bred by Muslims by a wide margin. Estimates say Muslims will be the majority in Europe as soon as in 50 years! Imagine when sharia law becomes the legal standard in Europe…where will all the girly men French go? Will Islam allow pink burqas?

America must pay strict attention to what is happening in Europe. The politically correct media and elected officials who have pushed multi-culturism on us are leading Americans down the same disastrous path as Europe. A 2007 Pew poll found that only 28 percent Muslims thought of themselves as Americans first while 47 percent identified primarily as Muslims. Their loyalty lies abroad with the worldwide Muslim community, which sees itself as being victimized by the West. AWD has never understood why Muslims are allowed to enter the United States since 9/11. All the political correctness in the world will not lessen my memory of Muslims dancing in the streets of New Jersey when the towers fell in New York on 9/11.

Again, Islam is incompatible with freedom. America was founded on the principles of individuality and freedom. Islam seeks to destroy each of our founding principles and values. Islam seeks to dominate western culture and bring savagery tothe world. Merely look to any Islamic country and see how tolerant they are to Christians or Jews. Look how women are treated like animals and are allowed to be killed by family members in shameful “honor killings.” America must shed it’s reluctance to speak and act against Islam…the religion of murder. We only need to look to the disaster that Europe is becoming to see what could be in our future. I do not want to envision a future when my grand daughters will have to wear a burqa and will fight Islam in America at every step! I am staunchly for freedom of religion but Islam seeks to dominate the world. Islam is the enemy of civilized people!

YOU WANT TO WATCH THIS!

 

 

 

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July 24, 2009 Posted by | Political | , , , , , , , , | 30 Comments

BOOBIES !!!!!

You asked for em’, so here they are…

More Sexy Women

with

BOOBIES…..!

 

Click on BOOBIES below to get a closer looksie!

 

July 23, 2009 Posted by | tiddies | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Obama shows his true colors – AND THEY ARE NOT RED, WHITE OR BLUE

OK, people you people voted for him now we all have to deal with this S.O.B for the next 4 years….  Obama showed all through his Presidential campaign his willingness to use both blacks and whites to reach his goal of becoming President of The United States and then toss them aside.  Now he is starting to show his TRUE colors, and they’re NOT RED, WHITE and BLUE!

We have all been waiting for it and here it came from his own mouth!  We all knew he attended a severly racist church, that is until he got caught!  Now, he is jumping back on the Black Wagon… 

NATICK, Mass. – A white police sergeant who arrested renowned black scholar Henry Louis Gates Jr. said Thursday he’s disappointed President Barack Obama said officers acted “stupidly,” despite acknowledging he didn’t know all the facts.

Sgt. James Crowley responded to Gates’ home near Harvard University last week to investigate a report of a burglary and demanded Gates show him identification. Police say Gates at first refused and accused the officer of racism.

Gates was charged with disorderly conduct. The charge was dropped Tuesday, and Gates has since demanded an apology from Crowley.

Obama was asked about the arrest of Gates, who is his friend, at the end of a nationally televised news conference on health care Wednesday night.

“I think it’s fair to say, number one, any of us would be pretty angry,” Obama said. “Number two, that the Cambridge police acted stupidly in arresting somebody when there was already proof that they were in their own home. And number three — what I think we know separate and apart from this incident — is that there is a long history in this country of African-Americans and Latinos being stopped by law enforcement disproportionately, and that’s just a fact.”  These words actually came out of the President mouth!  Obama, could it be that they are being stopped because they just happen to be the ones committing the crimes and they just happen to be Latino or Black?
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July 23, 2009 Posted by | Racism, Racist | , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Hillary Clinton – FUNNY rn’ SHIT

When I first saw this picture it took me a minute….  

But then I had to laugh my ass off….  It is Funny rn’ Shit! 

If anyone knows where I can get one of these GREAT shirts please let me know….

811614_1

July 23, 2009 Posted by | Feminism, Funny, male humor, White Racist | , , | 1 Comment

Hookers – GO GREEN

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A legal brothel in Berlin, is offering an “environmental discount” of 5 euros for customers who arrive by bike or can prove they used public transportation to get there.

That’s around $7, or half the price of tongue kissing at the brothel (yes, you have to pay extra for that). Rates at the brothel normally start at 30 euros for 15 minutes of sex and assorted naughtiness.  This is just another example of how the eoro is beating the U.S. dollar.

The brothel owners say they’re in walking distance of stations on both of Berlin’s major commuter rail lines, as well as a well-maintained bicycle path.  Thats where the gays hang out…

Brothel owner Thomas Goetz said the new promotion has put some bang back into his business. He told Reuters that up to 5 customers a day are taking advantage of the discount.

Weird News Central also reported they hear that numerous Berlin housewives are wondering why so many of their husbands have suddenly taken up bicycling.

July 18, 2009 Posted by | Funny, male humor | , , | Leave a comment

My Resimay

To hoom it mae cunsern,

I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper.

I kin Type realee qwik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.

I think I am good on the fone and I no I am a pepole person.

I no my spelling is not too good.

My salerery is open, I kin start emeditely.

Thank yoo in advanse fore yore anser.

Sinseerly,

Tiffanny

PS : Because my resimay is a bit short

I sent a pickture of me.

boobs


Employer’s response:…

Dear Tiffany,

It’s OK honey, we’ve got spell check.

See you Monday.

July 14, 2009 Posted by | Funny, Sexy, tiddies | , , , , , | Leave a comment

The new NATIONAL ANTHEM – FUCK YEA!

I totally scammed this but its funny’r n shit!  You gotta listen to it!

July 5, 2009 Posted by | male humor, Political | , , , , | Leave a comment

Michael Jackson Jokes….

You just KNEW there were gonna be jokes……

    • Michael Jackson hasn’t been this stiff since Macully Culkin spent the night at Neverland Ranch.

    •
Because Jackson’s body was 95% plastic, he will be melted down and turned into legos, this way kids can play with him for a change.

    •
Reports that Michael Jackson has died of a heart attack in his home are untrue… He actually died having a stroke in the children’s ward.

    •
In the spirit of recycling, Michael Jackson will be melted down into plastic party cups so kids can still get their lips around his rim.

    •
In accordance with Michael Jackson’s will, little boys’ pants shall be flown at half-mast today.

    •
Doctors are looking into claims that MJ’s death could have been caused by an allergic reaction from eating 12 year old nuts.

    •
I heard Michael Jackson died of food poisoning from eating a 5 year old wiener.

    •
Micheal jackson will always be with us… he is not biodegradable.

    •
Farrah Fawcett arrived at the Pearly Gates and God asked her what he could do for her having led such an honest life. Farrah asked God to simply make sure the children of the world were safe. Five minutes later, Michael Jackson died.

    •
MJ’s dying wish was to be melted down and turned into straws so he can still get sucked on by kids.

    •
It has been released that MJs last wish was that he wants to be melted down and made into a slide so kids can go down on him forever.

    •
In memory of MJ’s death, McDonald’s is coming out with the new “McJackson”. It’s 50 year old meat between 12 year old buns.

    •
Michael Jackson’s ashes are going to be put in an Etch A Sketch so kids can still twiddle his knob.

    •
Michael Jackson’s death has now been ruled a suicide. Apparently doctors told him that the only way he could get whiter is if he died.

    •
Only in America can someone be born a poor black kid, and die a rich white woman.

    •
Madonna sent her condolences to the Jackson family. Then asked how much they wanted for the kids.

    •
Breaking News: Casper the friendly ghost was molested in the early hours of this morning!

    •
Michael Jackson’s last words: “Take me to the Children’s Hospital!”

    •
What was Michael Jacksons last hit? The floor!

    •
Michael Jackson died of a heart attack. He really shouldn’t have looked at the man in the mirror.

July 1, 2009 Posted by | Funny, male humor, Racist | , , , , , , | 4 Comments